Is it because I queefed?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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