Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
