His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
