I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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