You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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