Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
