If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
