The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
