Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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