The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
