In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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