I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
