at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
