The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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