My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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