I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
