I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
