Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize