I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
