I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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