mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
