i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
