im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
