Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
