Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
