He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i dont even know how to be here
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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