Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
