just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
