she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
