? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
