For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
