I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
