not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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