dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
