I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize