I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
