I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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