i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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