What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
