Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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