So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
