The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So much rum. So many feels.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
