if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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