In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize