everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
