Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
