so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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