i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
