dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize