Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
