I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
