I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize