my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize