Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
