Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
