We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
