I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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