Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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