just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
