Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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