oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
