He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
