Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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