I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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