Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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