I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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